Tatsumi Unleashes ZA WARUDO!
by Arthr1tis
Summary: Tatsumi channel's the soul of DIO to mostly save the attractive, but dumb-as-hell Scissors. Meanwhile, Wave swears to return to his dolphin wife after destroying DIO and Za Warudo by utilizing the edgy, emo-as-hell Jotaro and Star Platinum. Buckle up for road rollers falling from the sky, tons of MUDA and ORA's, fabulous poses, loads of asspulls, and some purple love. For once.
1. It was me, Tatsumi!

**It was me, Tatsumi!**

Within the Imperial Capital's park, late at night, a fierce battle occured between three individuals. In the perspective of a normal bystander, it would have looked both unusual and bizarre at the same time. The three people fighting was a girl who may as well be the living mascot of pink itself who's currently holding a giant rifle, an older girl who could be mistaken as purple incarnate wielding giant scissors, and an orange-haired girl with the face of a sociopath giving orders to a giant dog with bulging arms and teeth that can easily grind meat. Their respective names were Mine, Sheele, and Seryu.

The area that served as their battefield were filled with smoking craters, deep gashes, and wrecked public property. No doubt an example of what the weapons all three of them wielded were capable of.

"Devour them Koro!"

The humanoid dog gave a beastly roar at who it's master wanted dead. He lunged at them while swinging his meaty fists in an animalistic and unpredictable manner. Both females evaded in an effort to distance themselves from the biological weapon. Wherever his fists struck the small area they previously stood on, craters formed. The girl holding the oversized rifle relentlessly shot at the dog, but would be futile since the Imperial Arm had a natural healing factor that allowed him to shrug off the energy bullets. The girl holding the scissors attempted to chop off his limbs to immobilize him, but again, proved to be in vain as the monstrous dog would just regenerate his stumps.

"Why can't this thing just die already?!" yelled Mine.

"How do we kill it?" Sheele asked as she avoided being one-shoted by the dog's oversized human fists and gnawing teeth.

"We need to destroy the core!"

"Where is it?

"Just keep attacking it! We'll find it eventually!"

And so, the macabre between two humans and a living weapon went on all because of an ambush that occured after a succesful assassination was made. Meanwhile, far from their location, there were two more people who have recently made a similar assassination involving terminating some drug lords. One of them - a brunette - snapped his head over to a particular direction. His eyes narrowed.

"Hm? What's wrong Tatsumi?" The other person - a blonde woman - asked her partner in confusion.

"My main character senses are going off," replied the young teen named Tatsumi as his gaze never left to what he was focusing on.

"Your... what?" the woman asked confused.

"It means that one of our comrades are in danger and are most likely going to die if we don't get there fast."

"What?! Then let's get over there!"

"Don't worry, I'll just use my final move to intervene!"

As soon as he said this, Tatsumi got into several fabulous poses that were the very definition of bizarre. The woman, whose name was Leone, could only look even more confused at what her 'little bro' was doing. He then got into one last pose, then yelled out three words.

"KONO DIO DA!"

After that, something even more bizarre happened. His clothes became more fabulous and flashy, his hair bled blond, and a yellow humanoid appeared beside him in the same pose as the former brunette was in. A green headband with a green heart also appeared on his forehead

Unbeknownst to Leone, Tatsumi had channeled the soul of DIO in order to use the ancient technique that the vampire lord once used.

He then threw his arms to the side, leaned his upper body back, and yelled out a battle cry.

"WRRYYYYYYYYY!"

Tatsumi and the yellow humanoid jumped and soared upwards into the sky, leaving a surprised Leone behind. Only one sentence went into her head.

 _'...What, the fuck'_

What the fuck indeed.

* * *

Back at the ruined park, things weren't looking so good for the members of Night Raid. Mine suffered a broken arm after getting caught in Koro's grasp, after which Sheele used her giant scissors to slice his arms off to free the sniper. It didn't help that the airhead was beginning to suffer from slight fatigue, evident by her slight panting. What's more, the Teigu changed appearance, now sporting red fur and looking like nightmare fuel.

All in all, it really wasn't their day. Not to mention Seryu was looking more deranged by the second.

"Yes! Justice shall be laid upon you, evildoers! I, Seryu Ubiquitous, will bring you to your dea- huh?" Seryu made a sound of surprise while looking upwards to the sky above.

Both Mine and Sheele gave curious looks to the police girl, before putting their attention to the sky as well. They became similarly surprised at what they saw. Up above, they saw something approach the ground at high speeds, though it was difficult to tell what it was due to it being nighttime, all they knew is that it was getting closer. What caught all of them off-guard was someone yelling, which came from the falling anomaly.

"RODA ROLLA DA!"

Before they knew it, the object crashed into the ground; specifically where Koro stood.

"KORO!" Seryu screamed in worry. Mine and Sheele had their eyebrows raised from the bizarre spectacle before them. The initial impact kicked up a lot of dust, so it was difficult to see what crashed. When the dust cleared, a strange yellow contraption with two giant grey cylinders on both the front and back was revealed to all three individuals. A person also stood on top of it while surrounded in a yellow flame-like aura with a yellow humanoid beside them. To all three, he looked familiar. They heard chuckling coming from the person.

"You thought this was going to be a flawless ambush. But it was me, Dio!"

Before they could continue to mentally process this, the contraption began to shift, revealed to be Koro trying to move it off of him.

"Hurry Koro! Get out of there and finish off the scum!" Seryu barked orders at her Imperial Arm, having regained her composure after the unusual stunt before her.

"NO! YOU WON'T ESCAPE FROM ME!" Yelled the person on top of the contraption. He and the humanoid started to slam their fists repeatedly onto the machine with Koro doing the same, all the while yelling the same word nonstop.

"MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA-"

Both reared their fists back for one more punch.

"MU-!"

And struck with all their might.

"-DA!"

As soon as both simultaneously struck at once, the contraption started to emit smoke, along with a few fires breaking out. Both the person and yellow humanoid jumped off into the sky before the contraption exploded in a ball of industrial fire and smoke. The person landed between the three females, who now got a better look at him.

"TATSUMI?!"

"JUSTICE PARTNER?!"

Tatsumi grinned at his fellow assassins.

"That's me!" He said enthusiastically. Mine pointed at him using her good arm.

"Hold on! How were you able to do that?!" Tatsumi's only answer was a shit-eating grin.

"Sorry, main character secret!" This served to piss off Mine. Sheele was curious on why his hair color was now blond.

"Listen here country bumpkin-"

Whatever Mine was going to say was cut off as a bestial roar came from where the contraption exploded, revealing to be Koro who growled dangerously at them.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! IT STILL WON'T DIE?!" Yelled Mine in disbelief.

"KILL THEM ALL KORO!" Seryu commanded, her anger and bloodlust further growing from finding out her 'partner of justice' turned out to be associated with these 'evildoers'. Koro lunged at them, swinging his fists in a manner that they'll be unable to evade in time.

Tatsumi only gave the biological Teigu an unimpressed look, before the yellow humanoid appeared by his side once more.

"MIne, Sheele..." Both girls looked at him, "...leave the rest to me."

As the words left his mouth, the humanoid began to ripple the air around all three assassins, before it all came out along with two words.

"ZA WARUDO!"

Everything became negative, along with the sound of a clock ticking and reality distorting. It was short lived because it receeded back into Za Warudo, who successfully froze time and caused the surrounding to be a bit grey. Mine, Sheele, Seryu and Koro were all trapped from the effects of time freezing.

"Time has now frozen," Tatsumi said deviously while brandishing his short sword. He rushed towards the now still Koro and slashed him repeatedly along with Za Warudo punching it nonstop with his superior speed and accuracy. Eventually, they found the core, prompting Za Warudo to shatter it in one strike. Tatsumi sheathed his sword and cancelled the time-freezing effect.

"Time will now resume."

With that, color returned to the environment and the laws of physics continued on. In the perspective of the three females, it appeared as Koro getting close, then exploding in a gory mess.

"KORO!" Seryu screamed in disbelief as her Teigu was destroyed for good. Mine and Sheele were shocked at this. They had lots of trouble trying to take down that biological weapon, but the newest recruit to Night Raid was able to kill it off without trouble.

"H-How did you do that?" Mine asked wearily. This time Tatsumi gave an actual, but somewhat vague answer.

"I froze time, what else?" Was all he said before Za Warudo appeared again with his arms crossed.

"What Teigu did you use?" Asked Sheele. Tatsumi raised an eyebrow.

"You mean my Stand?" Both girls gave him confusing looks.

"Your... what?" Both asked simultaneously. Their attention was then turned towards the sound of gunshot, with Za Warudo catching a bullet between his right index and thumb.

"EVILDOERS! YOU LOT ARE EVERYWHERE! YOU'RE ALL THE REASON CORRUPTION EXISTS!" Seryu screamed nonsense as the reality of her most trusted comrade being killed caught up to her, resulting her being caught in a fit of rage that's making her scream bloody murder. Before she could go on about her rambling, a yellow fist smashed through her head, instantly killing her.

"Man, I thought she'd never shut up," said Leone, with her Imperial Arm Lionelle activated, giving her more animalistic traits.

"Oh, hey sis," Tatsumi said casually like it was Tuesday. Leone gave him an annoyed look.

"Tatsumi~! Why'd you leave me behind like that?!"

"Sorry, I got caught up in the moment."

Leone huffed in annoyance before she made a questioning look.

"What kind of Teigu did you use that made you all... that?"

Before Tatsumi could respond, all four members of Night Raid were surrounded by the Imperial Police.

"Halt! By the order of the law, you are all under arrest!" Yelled one of them. Acoustic guitar started playing in the background.

All four of them - except Sheele - thought one thing.

 _'Fuck.'_

The soldiers all opened fire on them, prompting all of them to make a break for it.

"Za Waru-!"

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

Tatsumi eventually ascended into heaven and became the ruling god of his world. Along with having a harem of beautiful women.

* * *

 **This first came to mind after watching a YouTube video called Squidward unleashes ZA WARUDO!. Before anyone asks, yes I'll still focus on getting out the next chapter of One-Punch Tsukune.**


	2. Dio With It

Najenda wasn't sure whether she should feel relieved or annoyed in the current situation she was in.

On one hand, she should feel relieved that four of her subordinates came back alive after their encounter with a dangerous and mentally unstable Imperial Arm user. According to the report she recieved from both Mine and Sheele, they were caught in an ambush by an Imperial Guard named Seryu, who was in pocession of a biological Teigu called Hekatonkheires.

Fortunately, Tatsumi was able to intervene on time by slamming a strange contraption on 'Koro' as Seryu called it while free-falling from the sky, then proceeded to slam his fists on it repeatedly while yelling 'MUDA' over and over until the contraption exploded.

After that, Tatsumi destroyed the Teigu by freezing time and destroying its core with the help of his 'Stand' called Za Warudo, after which Leone appeared and killed the sociopathic Imperial Guard. Then, they were surrounded by reinforcements, which prompted them to retreat. But not before Tasumi yelled 'Za Warudo', after that, they all found themselves far away from the Capital.

And his hair was now a natural blond.

At first, she thought this was some tall-tale that a person on drugs would conjure up as the substance boosted their imagination to levels on par with that of an imbecil. But after she got a close up example on Tatsumi's hidden abilities; in which he brought out a 'road roller' from out of nowhere and threw it to the side of Night Raid's headquarters and summoned Za Warudo to throw sharp knives at the contraption, making it explode.

It also destroyed parts of the interior of their hideout. Which annoyed her greatly, hence the other hand.

Currently, she was sitting on her chair which was shaped like a throne, calmly analyzing the situation her newest recruit had gotten himself in into. Right now, Tatsumi was in the middle of a heated argument involving him and Mine. After all four of them came back, Mine started ranting up a storm in which the subject was that of the former brunettes hidden ability and _maybe_ his sudden change of clothing.

"You still haven't told us how you did it!" Mine yelled while roughly poking her finger on his chest.

"I already told you, I froze time with Za Warudo," Tatsumi said with his left eye twitching from his anger slowly building up.

" _And_ you never told us that you this, _thing_ , as your hidden weapon!" She gestured her good arm at Za Warudo, who floated besides Tatsumi with his arms crossed and his expression stoic.

"He has a name you know."

"Please stop arguing you two..." Sheele tried to diffuse the needless argument with diplomacy, which means absolutely nothing on this planet.

"Yeah Mine, stop arguing with me. You'll make yourself look bad," he said mockingly.

"And just what is a Stand anyway?!"

This got everyone curious as they too wanted to know this unknown ability that Tatsumi has kept hidden. Tatsumi looked at them all and it wouldn't take a genius to know that they too wanted to know what this hidden ability is. He sighed as it was best to get this over with.

"Stands are basically spiritual manifestations of one's soul and personality. Each Stand has an ability that is unique in their own way, I'll give you all an example. You see those chairs?" He pointed his right arm at the chairs at the dining table. Everyone looked to where he was pointing at. "Now, don't take your eyes off them. ZA WARUDO!"

Za Warudo froze time again, turning the color of his surroundings a bit grey. Bulat, Lubbock, Akame, Leone, MIne, Sheele, and Najenda were caught in its freezing effect.

As soon as he froze time, both Tatsumi and Za Warudo proceeded to stack the chairs on top of each other with swift agility. After that, he cancelled the time stop and resumed the flow of it. In the points of view of the other members of Night Raid, it looked as though the chairs were suddenly stacked on one another in the blink of an eye. Each one of them had different reactions.

Bulat was surprised, but gave a mental hearty laugh.

Lubbock was caught off-guard and thought briefly on how this would help him peek on Leone at the hot spring.

Akame was just as surprised as Bulat is and thought how this would aid her while hunting for animals and Danger Beasts.

Leone, Sheele, and Mine have already seen it in action, but still thought it was impressive.

Najenda thought that this will benefit them on future missions. The question was which mission she should send Tatsumi to from now on, and who he should be paired with.

"That's the power of Za Warudo. It lets me freeze time whenever I choose to."

All of them were intruiged by his unique and rare ability. But there was one other question the white-haired woman had to ask.

"Tatsumi, is there a limit to how long you can freeze time?"

"Yeah, I can keep it up for about eleven seconds. If I'm weakened, then give or take two-to-three seconds." Leone was the next to ask him another question

"Tatsumi, what was that thing you did back when we completed our mission?"

"Channeling DIO's soul."

"DIO?" She echoed.

"A vampire lord from a different realm," Tatsumi said nonchalantly. This piqued everyone's interest even more.

"If this 'DIO' is from a different realm, then how do you have his power?" Questioned Mine.

"That I still don't know. All I know is that when I was around maybe ten years old, I woke up with Za Warudo and a tarrot card beside me that said 'The World', after which he dissappeared and I never saw him again until today." Tatsumi explained to the best of his knowledge.

"I see, then this concludes the meeting. Oh, and you're fixing up the hole you made."

"What, why?!"

"Because I said so, that's why."

"But you wanted a demonstration!"

"I never said that you should destroy part of the hideout, so the blame falls on you solely."

When she said that last part, Tatsumi's eyes turned to a red-orange color and narrowed them dangerously at his boss. One of the downsides of channeling DIO's soul was gaining bits of his personality.

 _'How dare this woman order me, Dio, around as if I were some lowly creature!'_ He had the strong urge to throw knives at her, then throw a steamroller for the finishing touch. As he was plotting this, the rest of Night Raid felt his bloodlust. That wasn't what got them weary, it was the level of murderous intent that they felt from him. Like it didn't belong to him, but from someone else.

"Hey Tatsumi, you alright?" Lubbock asked cautiously. This snapped Tatsumi out from his graphic thoughts, then turned towards his fellow assassins, who were giving him strange looks.

"Huh?" Was all he said in confusion.

"You started giving off high levels of bloodlust. Are you sure you're alright?" Akame asked, though there was a tone of worryness hidden in her blank voice.

"Ah, that, sorry. Guess that's one of the cons of channeling DIO. Anyway, I'm going to bed, so later," as he was about to walk out of the meeting room, he was stopped by Mine.

"Hold it! I have one more question for you."

"What is it?" Tatsumi asked frustrated.

"Where did you get those clothes?" Mine asked, gesturing towards the fabulous version of his previous apparel.

"I got them because I'm much more fabulous than you'll always be bitch," he said without hesitation.

"Why you-!" Whatever she was about to say was interrupted as Tatsumi appeared in an instant in front of her.

"Fuck you motherfucker, do you know who I am?! I'm the fucking main character in this show, and I don't care if that navy fuckboy has Star Platinum and is in collaboration with the Joestars, I will take a shit on your doorstep and not give a fuck! Also..." Tatsumi then flicked her on the forehead, followed with Za Warudo following suit, "you're my bitch now. Peace!"

He turned around, made a fabulous pose, and walked towards his room with his left hand in his pocket and his torso leaned back. All was quiet until Mine exploded with rage.

"THAT FUCKING COUNTRY BUMPKIN, I OUTTA-!" She was restrained by both Leone and Sheele.

"Now Mine, you walked into that one..." Leone said nervously while the bundle of pink fury struggled to escape their grasp. She started to foam at the mouth with her eyes bloodshot.

" **RELEASE ME! THAT TALENTLESS COUNTRY BOY MUST DIE! I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL KILL HIM!**

 ***fwosh***

 **"I'LL KILL HIM! I'** LL KILL HIM! i'll kill him... i'll... kill... him... zzz."

Mine slumped into their hold, with a tranquilizer dart potruding from the side of her neck. Bulat, Lubbock, Leone, and Sheele looked towards Akame, who had a tranquilizer pipe in her hand.

"Just in case something like this happened," was her answer. Before they could question why she kept sleeping darts with her, another noise made itself known.

"RODA ROLLA DA!"

A mini road roller slammed into an unconscious Mine, with Tatsumi riding on top of it.

"AHAHAHAHAHA- MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!"

The mini steamroller exploded, leaving only a couple patches of soot on Mine.

 **"WRRYYYYYYYYY!"**

Just another day at Night Raid Headquarters.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, out at sea...**

"Don't worry my love, I'll be back, even if it takes my whole life," said a navy soldier, who looked lovingly at the picture of a dolphin. Beside him, a humanoid with long black hair and purple skin was giving him odd looks.

"ORA, ORA ORA"

"Shut up Star Platinum! You'll never understand my love for dolphins and marine life!"

"ORA ORA."

"Yeah yeah, and defeat Za Warudo and DIO, whatever."

"ORA..."

Sometimes Star Platinum wished it had a different user.


	3. I'm Into German Girls

**Before anyone asks "1ce this is good and all, but where the _fuck_ is the new chapter for One-Punch Tsukune and High School PxP?", I've been busy with life and all that good stuff. You know, playing LET IT DIE, playing as Jonathan Joestar in J-Stars, being lazy as heck, etc. Because spoiler alert, everyone here in this site has a life outside of story making. **

**And to answer all of your questions, the chapters are still in development. Though I'll get side-tracked again when I get Kingdom Hearts 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue.**

 **That's it, see ya.**

 **p.s. If anyone reading this has played LET IT DIE and may have killed a Hater or invaded someone by the name of ULTIMA9000, that's me and my gamer tag on PlayStation Network.**

 **p.s.s. This is NOT self-advertisement whatsoever.**

* * *

Today started like any other normal, bizarre day at the cozy and secretive hideout of the infamous Night Raid group. Any member who were assigned to missions that fit their specialty have been dispatched, some who had nothing to do either trained or gave in to their urges of sloth, the rest finding ways to kill time until a new mission surfaced.

Winter also happened to roll by, so anyone who wished to feel the relief of being outside had to wear protective layers of clothing to preserve their natural body heat. Inside was no exception either, since no one had the audacity to build air-conditioning, even though geniuses from all over the world gathered to make weapons from predatory animals.

Though that was years ago so it's pretty much irrelevant.

That isn't the primary focus, the true source of today's entertainment came in the form of Tatsumi begrudgingly trying to feed Mine her food since it keeps falling back into her plate. Due to one of her arms being broken, the simple action of using a spoon properly is about as easy as balancing a stack of book's on a persons head.

It would have been more bearable if the pink brat would just simply _accept_ the help he was giving her.

"C'mon, eat your food young missy."

"I told you, I can eat it without your stupid help! And don't call me missy you stupid country hick!" Yelled Mine, who was also in a foul mood when she learned that Tatsumi road roller'd her and covered her in soot.

"You know, when the elder person tries to help you, little children like you don't spit on their effort to make your life easy. Also, no foul language in this dining table 'little girl'."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING 'LITTLE', YOU IDIOT?!"

"I'm guessing you never looked in a mirror ever in you're whole life if you don't even know what you look like, you obnoxious little brat."

"I don't need a mirror to know what I look like, country bumpkin!"

"Don't make me get Za Warudo to give you a spanking. Believe me, he'll give you a smacking so hard that you'll never question or raise your voice at me again," to further enforce his threat, Za Warudo appeared beside Tatsumi, smashing his knuckles against each other while giving Mine an intimidating glare.

 **"MUDA..."**

Mine withered under Za Warudo's gaze, the way the humanoid looked at her with those eyes struck a chord of fear inside her. This was the same thing - along with Tatsumi - that took down Hekatonkheires with absolute ease, though that was due to his ability to stop time. Still, even without his power, he still had his speed and accuracy to be truly wary of.

Reluctantly, she took the offered spoon into her mouth, wanting to avoid on what it would be like to be on the receiving end of Za Warudo's fearsome strikes.

"See? Was that so hard?" Tatsumi asked with that shit-eating grin of his that was most likely made to mock her existence and nothing else.

 _'Screw you...'_ Thought Mine while she chewed her food.

Meanwhile, Akame looked at the scene with a smile.

 _'I'm glad that everyone is still safe and sound.'_

* * *

Tatsumi and Leone dashed towards their next objective with great haste. According to Najenda, tonight's contract is a direct order from the higher ups at the Revolutionary Army. The mission was simple, locate and assassinate the Kobore Brothers, and get out. Easy as cherry pie.

Both assassins observed the two troglodytes talking about some useless stuff that isn't worth the effort to be even written down; both felt an odd sense of irony.

"Hey Tatsumi," Leone whispered to the brunette-turned-blond.

"What is it sis?"

"Do ya think that you could freeze time?"

"Only if you want to miss the opportunity to waste these idiots."

"Well can't you like, make it so that I won't be frozen as well?"

"Hmm... I guess I can give it a go."

Yellow flames that were just for show surrounded Tatsumi, Za Warudo appeared as well. He then grabbed Leone by her left forearm, the yellow aura enveloping her whole too.

"ZA WARUDO!"

Before the Kobore Brothers could turn to see who yelled, the sound of time warping only heard by both assassins, along with everything turning negative for a short while before the tick-tock of a clock became audible and everything having a slight shade of grey. Both brothers stuck in the effects of time stopping.

Both blonds were still enveloped in the flickering of the yellow flames. Tatsumi, who has done this many times, treated it like a normal thing. Leone however, was amazed on how different it was in moving through frozen time.

"Let's hurry, this'll only last for about eleven seconds."

"Right."

Both assassins dashed quickly to their targets. Leone, utilizing her enhanced strength thanks to Lionelle, punched a hole through her target. Tatsumi commanded Za Warudo to crush and cave in his own targets head with only a right hook. The ticking of a clock was heard again before time moved on again and the causes of their actions have come into effect. The Kobore Brothers were no longer in the realm of the living as their carcases slump to the floor thanks to the work of gravity.

Even though they killled their targets, the mission wasn't done until they gave their report. With that, they departed from the room and proceeded to leave the house and back to headquarters. That is if Tatsumi didn't hear the voice of a young boy.

"Daddy?"

He froze, dread slowly crept up as realization kicked in that, in the result of completing their contract, they unintentionally turned this naive little boy into an orphan. Fright should have been the next feeling that was accompanied by the former, but instead, something else happened.

The bits of DIO's personality that came along with channeling his soul took advantage of Tatsumi's moment of weakness, thus, DIO temporarily took over. Tatsumi's eyes were now a red-orange color, his hair more messy, and fangs poking from his mouth. With a devious smirk, he calmly walked back to the room where the boy's father was killed.

* * *

The moment the boy walked into the room to see what was making so much commotion, his sleepiness vasnished when his eyes found the motionless body of his dad. Shock and panic flowed inside him like a torrent of water.

 **"How does it feel** **child? To have everything taken away from you?"**

The boy snapped his head to the new inhabitant of the room, and grew scared of him immediately. The feeling he gave off felt very wrong in every sense of the word. The person started to talk to him in a mocking fashion.

 **"What's wrong, vampire got your tongue? Or do you fear me? If so, then you should. For I, Dio, have taken everything that you once held dear!"**

The boy stood there shivering in fright and panic, including the smallest, tiniest bits of anger.

 **"Burn this into your memory, you pathetic waste of space! If you wish to avenge your father, then kill me in cold blood! If your worthless self can even manage that! ZA WARUDO!"**

Just like that, the person disappeared in the blink of an eye, no trace of him left. The boy simply stood on the same spot, processing everything he learned right now. When he was done, he now knew what to do next.

Kill Dio, and avenge his now dead father.

* * *

When they gained enough distance from the house they were in before house, Tatsumi and Leone agreed to rest at a nearby river bank. The blond was in deep thought, trying to remember on what happened before. It was all fuzzy, and the more he tried to remember, the harder it became.

Try as he might, he simply could not recall what he did right after their targets were terminated. His thoughts were interrupted when Leone made her prescence.

"Hey Tatsumi, are you feeling alright? You're looking a bit down."

"Uh, yeah. I'm just having trouble remembering something."

"About what?"

"I don't know, it's all fuzzy to me."

Leone frowned, but didn't say anything else. Unexpectedly, she hugged his head close to her chest, catching him off guard.

"You know, if you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to ask me, 'kay?"

Tatsumi, while distracted on how amazing her rack is, couldn't help but put that into consideration.

"Sure, I'll keep that in mind sis."

* * *

A snowstorm brewed outside, winds howled loudly, and yet only one person had a difficult time catching some z's. No matter how many times she tried to count sheep, Sheele could not get not even a wink of sleep. So the only solution was getting a midnight snack, in hopes that she'll finally feel drowsy.

"Hmm, maybe my favorite snack should help," she said to herself. She shivered at bit from the cold that got inside the hideout, despite wearing a jacket meant to ward off the cold element.

When she got to the kitchen, she found what she was looking for. Three colorful and sweet-tasting spheres on a stick; three of them to be exact. She took one into her mouth and moaned cutely on how the sweet flavor invaded her taste buds. Before she could bite into another, she was startled by a sound

 **"Wryyyyyyy..."**

Sheele, now on high alert, whipped her head around to identify the source of the sound. She was about to alert her comrades that there was an intruder, if it weren't the sound of someone familiar calling her.

"Sheele, behind you."

She looked behind herself, to see Tatsumi with his hands in his long coat.

"Ah, Tatsumi, it was just you. You nearly gave me a heart attack," Sheele sighed in relief.

"We can't have that, can we?" He joked. She giggled a bit, before a neutral frown formed Tatsumi's face.

"Anyways, it's time I stop beating around the bush here."

"Hm?"

Tatsumi then pushed her, but gently, towards the wall while taking the plate off her hands and placing it on the counter. Sheele was taken aback by this action, but didn't do anything to stop Tatsumi from whatever he was doing, even when he pinned his right arm beside her. Her cheeks reddened a bit from how physically close they were. Including this unusual, but slightly pleasant feeling inside her.

"Sheele, you see me as friend, do you not?"

"O-Of course. After all, you're one of my precious comrades. Why wouldn't I?"

"I hate to break it to you, but you're no friend of mine."

This statement surprised her, and caused emotional pain to swell in her heart.

"Why?"

"Because after giving it some thought, I don't want your friendship. But rather..."

He used the same arm he pinned her with to gently cress her left cheek. Her whole face felt warm at this intimate gesture, not to mention the strange tingling that kept her from fighting it.

"...I desire intimate companionship from you."

"...H-Huh?"

"I'm being serious here. Ever since I got here, I've been unable to get you out of my mind. It doesn't really help when you're always wearing that dress that shows off most of your body."

Sheele wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or embarassed at his choice of words.

"Not only that, but my dreams recently were mostly about you and nothing else," he confessed as he stroked her cheek in circles with his thumb.

"W-What were they about?" Sheele asked.

"Not very pleasant ones let me tell you that. All of them were about you dying in several different ways."

This surprised the airhead to a great extent. She was a bit afraid to ask about how she died, but the question left her mouth regardless. The tingling forgotten for the moment.

"How did I die?"

"The first time the dreams started, I never arrived on time to save you and Mine from that psycho girl, and you ended up being food for that damn dog."

Sheele couldn't help but feel that that was a very high possibility if help didn't arrive. Tatsumi continued where he left off.

"It didn't stop there, as the next dream I had was about Sayo mercy killing you with an explosive arrow so that you didn't end up being dog chow again. There was even a dream where a battle-hungry cyborg from another universe cut your eyes and slitted your throat. Then there was..."

Each time Tatsumi listed off the several deaths of Sheele that he witnessed in each dream, the purple-haired woman felt that there was some force that seemed to have taken a habit of killing her off.

The question was, why did she have to die so many times it was ridiculous?

"The strange part about it is that they felt too real to even be dreams,"

So she was right, there _was_ someone or something that enjoyed smiting her to no end.

"But that isn't the point. What I'm trying to say is that I want to be more than friends with you. I'm in love with you Sheele."

If her face wasn't on fire metaphorically, then it was now. But she doubted his words and wanted to hear why he had such a deep interest in her.

"What's there to love about me Tatsumi?"

"Your cute, your ditzy personality just makes me love you more, and I'd guarantee you that any guy would say that their lucky to be with you. I also can't imagine how someone would want to harm a soul as beautiful as yours."

As Tatsumi listed off the reasons why he felt such strong passion towards her, Sheele felt her face heat up even more at how much he truly meant every single word. As if his charisma was meant for such a task.

"Tatsumi, I-I don't know what to say..."

"If you don't want to reciprocate my feelings, I'll understand. But at least let me be your first."

"First wha-"

He interrupted by placing his other hand on her other cheek, and leaned in to press his lips against hers. Sheele stood frozen, unable to process what's happening. Her comrade, whom was still a recruit, stole her first kiss. He also happened to be younger than her - give or take two or three years -, and a bit shorter than her. Regardless, the tingling feeling spread throughout her entire being, making her mind feel fuzzy.

Her eyes slowly closed while fluttering, and eventually returned the kiss with her own. Both were in their own little worlds as they continued their physical intimacy. Their hearts thumped faster in excitement. Tatsumi placed his hands on her hips, likewise, Sheele wrapped her arms around his neck. They continued to suck face before they separated for a bit to catch some air. Their panting formed a bit of fog between them due to the low temperature. They paid no heed to the cold, as their mixed body heat warded it off.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They rested their foreheads and held each other close. Green orbs stared into purple orbs, both contained passion meant for the other. Their moment was interrupted by the sound of the fridge door opening. Tatsumi and Sheele turned their attention to see Akame stacking meat on a large plate she held in one hand.

"Don't mind me, I'm just getting a midnight snack."

 _'How is_ that _a snack?'_ Tatsumi thought as Akame continued to gather more meat until it was enough for a king's feast. She walked towards her room with intent to goble down her protein and calories, but not before she turned to address the couple.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about what I saw."

With that, the meat lover departed to her room to feast on her 'snack'. Tatsumi and Sheele looked at each other.

"So, should we call it a night then?"

"Sure."

With that said and done, they released each other and walked to their own rooms. Not before Tatsumi got curious and took a hold of the colorful treat Sheele ate, and took a bit out of it.

"Hey, that's pretty guud."

For a spit-second, Sheele swore that she saw the image of a man in a green lycra bodysuit appear beside her lover.

"It tastes good, right?" She asked with a smile.

"Oh definitely. Say, where can I get some of these?"

"They're very expensive to buy, the ingredients are also expensive, and getting it right while making them is about as easy as taking on a horde of Ultra-Class Danger Beasts unarmed."

The familiar tune of an accoustic guitar started playing from the background.

"Ohhhh..."

Tatsumi then gave both middle fingers at a particular direction meant for a group of people.

 **TO BE CONTINUED.**

* * *

 **Meanwhile, out at sea...**

"Commander Wave!" Shouted a navy soldier.

"What is it?"

"Pirates have attacked one of our ships, those soldiers could really use your assistance right about now!"

"Yare yare daze... Fine I'll go."

"Thank you sir!"

"Soldier, before you go, answer me this one question."

"What's it about sir?"

"Tell me... What do you think about dolphins?"

"Um, sir, to be honest I don't actually like dolphins. They once beat me up as a young lad and ever since then I wished they would just die off-"

"FUCK YOU! DOLPHINS ARE THE BEST! IF YOU HATE THEM THAT MUCH, THEN KILL YOURSELF!"

Wave marched off in anger at his subbordinates honest opinion.

 _'I don't see why he likes dolphins so much, besides, what's so great about dolphins anyway?'_

Truth be told, Carl was more of a leaf and lizard lover than anyting else.

 ***BOOM!***

One of the ships blew up from the restless assault from the pirates.

"I'M GONNA KICK ALL YOUR ASSES FOR INTERRUPTING MY MEAT TIME!" One of them with a straw hat yelled as they were able to dislocate the joints in their arm to mimic it stretching and slugging a soldier across the face.

"Commander Wave, we really need that help!"

"NOT UNTIL CARL APOLOGIZES FOR WHAT HE SAID!"

"For god's sake, just apologize so that the commander can help us!"

"GUM-GUM PISTOL!"

"My crotch!"

"Dammit Carl just apologize!"

"Fine, I'm sorry! Are you happy?!"

"You didn't say 'I'm sorry with dolphins on top'."

"SCREW YOU, YOU GODDAMN EDGY FUCKTARD!"

"KILL YOURSELF CARL!"

"GUM-GUM BAZOOKA!"

Meanwhile, Star Platinum wished that he had a new user.

* * *

 **The romance part has got to be one of the cheesiest things I've ever typed. But regardless, I honestly feel that TatsumiXSheele deserves some recognition. There's even a one-shot story about it called 'Purple Romance' which was made by the legend themself, Doctor Snivy.**

 **I also find it kind of dumb that she's been killed off about as many times as Krillin from Dragon Ball and Kenny McCormick from South Park.**

 **Also, I didn't make those deaths up, those were from actual stories where Sheele has died; no surprise there. The mercy kill is from Kill Your Dark Future, and the death by cyborg is from a Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and Akame ga Kill crossover story.**

 **Also, in case you still didn't get the chapter name, I'll tell you. The name Sheele, or Schere is german for 'scissors'. Making me assume that she is German. Or something else, I don't know.**

 **Anyways, I'm outski.**


	4. The Taste of a Liar

**I do things at my own pace, so please be patient some more. Also for guest reviews, if your going to review, then at least use a name I can identify you by. Because I can't tell if this person is that person, or vice-versa.**

 **And if you take this story seriously, then buddy you and me need to have a little talk.**

 **Now then, time to address the reviews.**

 **Zapper3000380: ecksdee indeed.**

 **Guest#1: This is Luffy were talking about, the guy's very lucky. I also agree how much Sheele is killed like just that; her role only dying to further develop Tatsumi's character. Like dude, if people really like her, then wouldn't it make sense to keep her alive? And yes, TatsumiXSheele is about as rare as the planets aligning.**

 **Guest#2: I made the pairings like that because I thought it'd be appropriate to show which character harbors the other (Ex: Dio!Tatsumi, Jotaro!Wave).**

 **Guest#3: Really, it's dumb? I didn't know. No fucking shit it's dumb, why do you think the parody tag is there in the first place? It's also not meant to be taken seriously. Sorry if I come off as harsh, but I'm only being blunt about it.**

 **Guest#4: Sorry, it's staying as 'scissors'.**

 **The Man: That's one of the downsides of channeling DIO. He's slowly, but surely, becoming him.**

 **Guest#5: That's because he recently channeled his soul, hence why it turned blond. It layed dormant when he first got it.**

 **p.s. I feel like it's becoming more of a story than a legit parody. Maybe that's just me, I don't know.**

* * *

No matter what anyone says, the rays of morning sunlight will always remain such an amazing sight. There was just something breath-taking about the feeling of a new potential day starting out. Though to assassins, it would mean that it could very well be their last day on God's green earth.

Then comes the topic of morning people. Whether a person desires to sleep through it to catch some more valuable z's, or they gain the unshruggable feeling of getting up early to start off the new day, what both have in common is the chance to make each morning as bizarre as possible either intentional or unintentional.

Which brings us to our lovely main character/protagonist who will save everyone from the dreaded forces known as canon, or source material if someone wants to get fancy.

With an annoyed groan, Tatsumi tossed and turned to keep the sunlight from hitting his face in a vain attempt to get a few more hours of sleep. He grabbed his pillow to shelter his head from the cancer-causing rays from striking his eyelids anymore.

Finally he could rest some more and rest peacefully, that is if the walking pink bane of his bizarre existence didn't start slamming the door repeatedly like an iconic hockey-masked serial killer was after her.

"HEY NEWBIE! WAKE THE HELL UP AND START MAKING BREAKFAST FOR US ALL!"

"PISS THE FUCK OFF YOU MENTALLY-CHALLENGED WIENER-FONDLING LITTLE BRAT! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO GET SOME MORE SLEEP HERE?!"

"EVERYBODY'S AWAKE NOW, SO GET OFF YOUR LAZY FUCKING ASS AND START COOKING! AND DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!"

"WHY THE FUCK NOT?!"

"I'M YOUR SUPERIOR, SO RUNTS LIKE YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO TALK BACK WITH THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE!"

"YOUR A CUNT IS WHAT YOU ARE!"

"WANT ME TO BEAT YOU TO A PULP YOU DAMN RUNT?!"

"OH I'M SO SCARED, YOU CAN'T DO SHIT WITH THAT BROKEN ARM OF YOURS!"

"COME SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU GODDAMN COUNTRY HICK!"

"YOU DON'T FUCKING SCARE ME YOU UNDERAGED CHILD!"

"GOD CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP ALREADY?!"

Lubbock yelled in building frustration, already getting sick of the shouting match between Tatsumi and Mine. Both shut up immediately and instead resorted to glaring heatedly at each other, even though the door beween them kept them from fulfilling that action. Seeing as the feeling of sleepiness wore off while in the middle of who could yell the loudest, Tatsumi thought it would be best to just get out of bed and start the morning by being everyone's cook slave as usual. With an annoyed grunt, he threw the covers off of himself and proceeded to put on his footwear.

After that, he walked out his room and trudged towards the kitchen. He wondered why can't everyone else make their own breakfast. Maybe it had to do with Akame only making meat-related dishes or Sheele burning the food and it resembling like military rations done wrong. Regardless, it would not change their minds on him preparing food. Might as well give him his own cooking show where he yells criticisms left and right while breaking people's spirits.

Sometime later, he finished making breakfast and started to serve everyone on the dining table. Some ate slowly and politely, the rest gorged it down their throats without having to either chew or breathe. Seriously, how are they able to just devour large quantities of food without choking?

"Whatever..." Tatsumi muttered under his breath as he served himself some food of his own and sat down, right next to Sheele of course. He ate his beakfast slowly, while sneakily giving skittish glances to everyone. What may be the reason why? Simple, he did not want all of them to find out about his newly-formed intimate relationship with the giant scissors-wielding woman. He would very much appreciate it if none of them found out. He did not know why he was tense about them gaining knowledge about the subject, he just did not want it to be known out into the open.

Though it may had to do with that irritating pink banshee. If that bratty girl caught wind of it, she would scream and yell at him non-stop while trying to riddle him full of holes wih that rifle of hers. He would not be surprised if she shouted things like 'sexist pig', or 'perverted degenerate', or heaven forbid that she call him a 'cis white male of the patriarchy'.

 _'Wait, what the hell's a patriarchy?'_ Tatsumi questioned himself. He had no idea on how a word he has never heard of suddenly popped into his head. Maybe it had to do with channeling DIO. Either, he stopped caring about that and continued to eat his breakfast. He was not one to toot his own horn, but he made some fine food if he said so himself, and his gluttonous comrades.

"Hey, what happened to all the meat?" Bulat asked as he opened the fridge only to see that almost all the meat was gone.

"What do you mean it's all gone?" Leone asked.

"Like I said, there's barely any left."

"Are you kidding me?!" Mine chose that moment to jump on the bandwagon.

"Wait are you serious?!" Lubbock decided to throw his own two cents into the conversation. What could have been a usual morning now turned into one of those mystery scenes from the novels, with finding out who ate almost all of the meat. Though judging on how the conversation between all four of them was going it would probably take maybe a dozen or two dozen seconds to figure out who did the deed.

"I wonder who did it?" Sheele asked out loud.

Except for Sheele, whose air-headed tendencies made her forget who did it. The blond could not blame her for it, it was something she had no control over. Though that's probably one of the reasons why he was attracted to her.

Huh, now that he thought about it, maybe ditzy girls are his thing.

Anyways, Tatsumi looked at Akame, and while she looked calm and composed about the whole ordeal, he can easily tell that she was slowly feeling edgy. She _did_ eat about half of the the edible supplies without anybody knowing, and was enough for the boss to severly punish her for it. But that wasn't what put him on edge as well. It was the fact that the raven-haired assassin may try to take all the attention off her by blurting out what she saw last night.

All he could hope was that she accept responsibility for her actions, which was very unlikely.

"Maybe it was Akame that did it?" Lubbock suggested. All four of them looked at the aformentioned assassin, who looked back at them.

"Say Akame, what were you doing last night?" Leone questioned.

"Nothing," Akame said. Though a little too quickly one may say.

"Really? Then why do you smell like meat?"

"That's usually how I smell."

"Not when you finish showering, which you took right before everyone else went to bed."

"You're probably mistaken."

"I see, then you won't mind if I do this..."

Without warning, the blonde licked the side of the red-eyed girl's face to see if she had the taste of a liar. Mine looked a bit grossed out by that, Bulat showed no reaction, and Lubbock wouldn't be Lubbock if his dirtied mind didn't start to branch out more arousing versions from that action alone. The rest showed a bit of surprise.

 _'This taste... it's the taste of a liar, and ribs,'_ Leone thought. She also had to admit, that whatever Akame ate last night were some pretty good ribs. If only she had just saved some for everybody else...

"So Akame, are you going to tell us what you did, or do we have to use... creative methods to get you to blurt it out?" Leone asked in a semi-threatening manner while a mischevious glint appeared in her eyes. Akame was now sweating a bit, the pressure was beginning to get to her. Even though all of them knew it was her that ate the meat, she somehow still could not admit it.

To Tatsumi, this would be her chance to either take the smart route and confirm their suspicions by saying she did it, or take the stupid route and further deny it by putting all the attention on him and Sheele. He really hoped she didn't do the latter and would go with the former option.

With Akame, her eyes darted in every single direction. From the clock hanging from the wall, to the shelf cabinets, to a brown mouse sneaking some food off the table and into their hole, to even a window view of a man in a full body pink lycra suit breakdancing to some filthy, but funky music, all in a useless attempt to avoid being caught. Which she already is.

In a situation where she would be captured and interrogated by the enemy, she would defiantly stay silent and show no emotion. But when it came to her friends trying to get the answers out of her and her boss giving her a fitting punishment for her actions, yeah she stood no chance.

Nervous people tend to usually do stupid stuff while under pressure, since they're unable to think with a troubled mind. Right now, Akame was about to do something very stupid, in the case of one blond, who gripped four knives between his right fingers while they were hidden under the table.

 _'Don't you dare say it Akame,'_ Tatsumi thought, waiting for the inevitable to come. At this time, sweat was now noticable on Akame's form, her eyes were shadowed by her bangs, and her hands gripped the edge of the table. Finally, she couldn't take it any longer and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I saw Tatsumi and Sheele kissing each other last night!" She exclaimed loudly while pointing at the duo. The moment the words left her mouth, various reactions were made.

"THEY DID WHAT?!" Mine hollered.

"WHAT?! HOW DID HE GET SOME BEFORE I DID?! IT ISN'T FAIR!" Lubbock yelled in disbelief

Everyone else only had looks of surprise on their faces. In both Bulat's and Leone's cases, they felt a bit disappointed for obvious reasons.

Tatsumi, out of fury leaped out of his seat while summoning Za Warudo, who held various knives in his hands. The blond pulled a steamroller from out of nowhere, held it above him with both arms, and prepared to slam it on Akame while in middair.

The familiar tunes of an acoustic guitar began to play in the background

"YOU LYING BI-!"

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

 **Meanwhile, out at sea...**

"Well commander, I hope your happy with what you brought upon us. Not only did you refuse to help even when I apologized, but our meat supplies were stolen, all our ships have been sunk-" Carl paused a bit to gesture to the remains of what were once proud ships, "-our soldier's morale has dropped drastically, and we have no way to contact the Imperial Capital to send rescue ships to save us."

Carl finished listing off everything that transpired with the all-out brawl between them and those bizarre pirates. He swore he never saw any crew who have the most unusual and bizarre abilities. Not to mention the lion figure head that shot a devestating blast that decimated the ships and reduced them to what they are now. One of the pirates that had a blue pompadour had called it the 'Gaon Cannon' or something. He would never forget the jolly roger with the straw hat, Carl was sure of that.

"Yare yare daze, stop worrying about that Carl," Wave said while looking towards where the pirates have sailed off to. He thought back to the boy with the straw hat and his ability to stretch. He was no fool, that cheery kid obviously had ridiculous mastery of Ripple. He somehow used the Zoom Punch technique to branch out different movesets and create unpredictable combos. While Ripple was useless against humans, it was the force behind each strike that Wave should watch out for.

Not to mention how the lanky kid used a more destructive and powerful version of Scarlet Overdrive, he called it 'Red Hawk' Wave believed; one of the ships were torn asunder thanks to that move.

"Commander, I don't think your understanding the consequences here. We, and by we I mean you, could face massive charges for this and face prison time, even possible demotion!"

"Calm the hell down Carl, I've got a plan," Wave said.

"I wouldn't be surprised at this point..." Carl muttered.

"We'll go after them, and take them down. Even if it means going to the other side of the planet."

"Okay, I take that back. _Now_ I'm surprised! Have you lost your mind?! We don't even have anything to use as a-!" Carl noticed a conveniently placed raft that looked completely intact, "-never mind then..."

"That's more like it. MEN!"

"YES SIR!" All the soldiers shouted in response. All of them using wood from the ruined ships to stay afloat.

"I want all of you to contact headquarters to send rescue boats to pick all of you up! And tell them I'll be going after the pirates with Carl acccompanying me!"

"WHAT?! No way in hell I'm going with you! Besides, we don't have anything to contact them!"

"Actually, I have an S.O.S. flare and a radio with me to send help."

"Really Jimmy? Really?" Deadpanned Carl.

"Alright then, Carl, get in the raft and let's start hunting those pirates."

"No, I'm not getting in that raft with you," Carl said firmly. Wave narrowed his eyes at him.

"Carl... get in the fucking raft."

"No way."

Both stared each other down, trying to see who would come victorious in this stand off.

* * *

 **Narrator from Spongebob: "Twelve Seconds Later."**

"How am I here right now?" Carl asked no one as the raft sailed to where Wave guessed the pirates have gone off to.

"Stop complaining Carl and look at the bright side of things, this will help build some character for you."

'I think it's doing the opposite of that..."

And so, the journey about two friends hunting pirates together has begun. With the way things are going, only time will tell how this adventure will end.

And for the briefest of moments, the two of them swore they heard maracas and had the urge to walk like egyptians. Whatever that meant.

Meanwhile, Star Platinum awaited eagerly to beat up some people.

 **Wave's Bizarre Pirate Hunt: Platinum Stars.**

* * *

 **Am I the only one who thinks that Mine comes off as one of those stupid retarded radical feminists/feminazi's? No, just me? Alright then, fair enough.**


End file.
